Does God exist?
There is not a shred of doubt in my mind that the answer is yes. If someone had told me that I would one day go on an all consuming quest for the truth, I would have said, “You’re off your trolley mate!” But I did, and I found what I was looking for. Here’s the story.
I awoke one night covered in sweat, puffing like I’d just sprinted around the block, and holding my stomach in pain. I had just had a nightmare in which I had been shot in the gut.
Two nights later, I had the same dream, and same pain and fear.
Another two nights later, I strolled around to my mates place, and then it happened, for real. A shotgun went off, and I was peppered on the hands, legs, face and gut, just like I had dreamt.
Then, a race to the hospital was on with my life just hanging in there. The doctors couldn’t understand how I survived as my aorta (main artery) was nicked and weeping blood.
An Unseen Hand of Protection
The doctor said I was lucky to be fairly fit, as I played football in the winter for money to buy alcohol.
I also grew dope in the summer to buy alcohol and feed the dope habit I had.
But this was more than luck. I see clearly now that there was an unseen hand involved.
Laying in the hospital, I was thinking, What’s going on? What, or Who, had showed me I was going to get shot? Was it a prophecy, premonition, my subconscious, or aliens?
A Quest for Truth Begins
I started with Nostradamus, thinking he had seen the future. Then, I moved on to all sorts of psychics, channellers and fortune tellers. I was reading all the New Age magazines and looking into UFOstuff for answers.
I answered an ad in a magazine that said, “Do you want to know the secrets of the universe?” I thought, This is it.
I sent away for the Rosicrucian stuff (an offshoot of Freemasonry). It came back with instructions to set up a little altar with a mirror, light some candles and incense in a dark room, and say a prayer to the Divine Essence of the Cosmos, or god of the world (the Bible calls him Satan), and ask him to infuse my being. I was so stone off my head, I did it.
Halfway through the prayer, I started shaking all over and thought, Wow, this is really weird. What’s going on here? I was in a state of mind to receive, and receive I did.
A Spiritual Force
The very next day I felt different. After a couple of days, I noticed that my thought patterns were different, they had become very prideful. I kept on the search and got into the occult even more so, driven by a spiritual force.
This mob taught reincarnation, meditation techniques, candle and mirror gazing, all leading to soul travel or astral projection. This was exactly as the eastern religions teach, which I was also looking into.
After a while, I could see that all of these beliefs and practices were about one thing—self. They taught the idea that you are god, and everything is god.
Somehow, I knew this was crap. I thought, If I’m god, then we are all in trouble.
The search was intensifying. I used dowsing rods, pendulums, tarot cards, numerology, astrology,ley lines, auras, and more. I got lots of unnatural results, but still no answers. By this time I was going a little crazy.
A Light in the Darkness
Then I was given a book by Barry Smith. In it he gave me the bottom line, where the others could not. He said, in a nutshell, that God the Creator is in charge, and Satan is stuffing everything up.
It was like a light was turned on. I started to read more Christian prophecy and learn about Jesus Christ.
Still, I did not want anything to do with God after growing up as a Catholic altar boy and seeing all the hypocrisy that surrounded it. So, Jesus was last on my list. But I thought, What have I got to lose?
A Time of Torment
Almost immediately, tormenting voices and thoughts started in my head. There was guilt, shame,anxiety, depression, fear, paranoia, self condemnation, and destruction.
I was plagued with suicidal thoughts. The noise in my head was deafening. So, I just stayed drunk and stoned and let the demons drive. It was easier like that. I was on the verge of a complete mental breakdown.
One night after a strange series of events, while playing an occult game, I was led to Matthew 4:17 in the Bible. It said, “From that time on Jesus began to preach, ‘Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.’ ” (NIV)
I thought, God must be trying to tell me something. So, my girlfriend and I got really stoned and went to church.
After three months, I invited Jesus to be my Lord and Saviour. Now, I had already said sorry to God for the mess I was in. But during the prayer, a voice was screaming in my head, “No, no! You can’t do this!”
Relief and Peace
I kept going, and started shaking again. I thought, Here we go again. But when it was over I felt relief.
The next day I awoke in total peace. I had never experienced anything like this in all my life. It was then that I knew Jesus was who he said he was: “I am the way and the truth and the life.” (John 14:6, NIV)
All that I had heard about Jesus being able to set you free was true! It was the best time of my life. I was born again.
This absolute bliss lasted about three months.
Then the voices started coming back and trying to torment me. But this time, the voices were on the outside and not coming from within me. An evangelist prayed for me; He rebuked these spirits, and they left.
After this I had a revelation of the spiritual powers that had been causing all the trouble. I wasn’t going insane! The cause had been my excursion through the occult and into a world where the Bible forbids men to go.
The spirits of darkness had their own agenda. When I decided to follow Jesus Christ, they wanted me dead. They do not want anyone to follow Jesus Christ because they hate mankind and want to see its destruction.
The Bible says that the thief (Satan) comes only to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). He will dangle a carrot in front of you and fill you with false promises. Then he will chew you up and spit you out.
A New Guide
Now I have the Holy Spirit to be my guide from within. He never lies; he always wants the best for me; he keeps me and protects me from evil. If I stay repentant, humble, and forgiving, then the enemy of the human race has little to stand on.
The Spirit of God is life itself, joy, and peace. You will not find this any other place, or with any other technique or so called religion. The world cannot offer you this. It will continue to offer you empty promises.
Jesus is who he said he was. He is the way, the truth, and the life. He died on the cross for our sins. And when your sins are washed away, then yahoo! The burdens we carry are gone.
Just say you’re sorry to God for the things you know are wrong. Ask Jesus for some help, and you will experience this abundant life that is available for all.